A couple hours ago, Paul told me that he’s changed his mind. He isn’t leaving three weeks from now.
He’s leaving this week.
I haven’t had time to think and sort out how I feel or what I should do… I took two exams this morning, I had to focus on writing a paper when I got home from work, and I’m going on a crazy 24-hour bus trip to Ocala tomorrow night for my brother’s graduation.
My stomach has been in knots for the past couple days since he first made the decision to go, and every time I stop moving and let myself think about it, I can’t hold back tears.
I don’t have anyone who I can talk to who understands. The people who most understand the dependency Paul and I have on one another are our high school friends, and none of them are around for me to confide in or lean on for support. No one in Tallahassee really knows what he and I have been through, or just how important he is in my life.
We’ve been constant companions for the past five years. That’s a quarter of my entire life.
I don’t know how to handle this, and I’m very quickly running out of time to figure it out.
It’s coming down to sink or swim, and I’m so tired.